Saturday, 3 September 2005

Rent-a-gobs r us

I have decided to start a list of all those from whom I would like to hear and see nothing during the rest of this wretched Tory leadership contest. It is a "living" list and I shall add to it as I come across more people I don't want to hear from. Please feel free to add to it yourselves, through the comments facility.

Ken Clarke
The BBC in its entirety
Ann Widdecombe
Norman Tebbitt
Lord Patten
Francis Maude
Norman Lamont
John Major
Polly Toynbee
Neil Kinnock
Michael Howard
Michael Portillo
Michael Hestletine
In fact pretty much anyone called Michael

If the media come calling, remember to Just Say No!

What does Ken Clarke think he is doing and who is he trying to kid? We had a name, in the Army, for officers who used to try over and over to get into the SAS, only to come back with increasingly ridiculous excuses for being rebuffed. What was it now? Oh yes, that's right - wankers!

This window of opportunity cannot be wasted. Whilst we have Clarke, Widdecombe, Yeo, Bercow, Hestletine et al in one boat, we must sink it once and for all. Individually they have the voter appeal of a cowpat. Together, they are the slurry pit that the party has swum in since the 1990's.

I also came up with another solution to the leadership election. I think that in a first round all the names on the list should be whittled down to a short list of three by the membership of the party and then a leader selected from those three by the MPs.

Only there's a catch - the first round vote should only be by those members of the party who are 45 years of age or under.

It is we young'uns who have most to lose by living our best years under a government we despise and a opposition party led by an unelectable dinosaur we don't want but are lumbered with by a senior element who still think they are important.

If we were the Party whose youth (relatively speaking of course!) elected its leader, we would almost certainly attract more people and would repeatedly refresh itself within the context of the modern society in which it exists. How radical is that? You can't even spell radical, Mr Blair.

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Tommy G said...

'We had a name, in the Army, for officers who used to try over and over to get into the SAS'

I thought you could only try for the SAS twice. Or does that only apply to other ranks?

The SAS have cool knives and like to wax tangos. A-WHOO!